The atheist's guide to change of fortune

Five tips to Kolkata Knight Riders for next year's IPL:

1. KKR should change the name of the team to Kkkolkata Kite Flighters according to Robin Jumanji. Non-believers, think about this: Shah Rukh Khan can make it sound sexy (remember Kkkiran from Darr?)

2. Shah Rukh Khan should start wearing jersey # 42. Since Shah Rukh is in his 42nd year, it will prove lucky for him. Also according to the Douglas Adams Thought school, that number is THE answer (do I see RT starting a mexican wave here?).

3. KKF should only have three cheerleaders at any time wearing golden dress instead of black which will invoke positive energy to the field. They should also wear flouroscent green (glow-in-the-dark) head bands, arm bands and shoes. This has nothing to do with Fengshui - just to track them even when there is a power malfunction in Eden Gardens!

4. KKF should shift their dressing room from South of the stadium to West. This will remove the vaastu doshas. Also, the cool breeze from the Hoogly river will flow from the west keeping everyone cool.

5. All team members should go and pray in the Siddhivinayak temple at midnight on a Saturday just before the tournament starts. Actually, early morning is a better time, but chances are Amitabh Bachhan, Abhishek Bachhan, Aishwarya Bachhan and thousands of "journalists" following them will also be there at that time! If the players are too tired after attending one of the parties thrown by Shah Rukh, and want to go in the morning, they should check if the Bachhans are attending any award function out of town.

Amen!